Today, I need to touch on a subject that really isn't any fun for me, and won't be too much for any of you to read about either. However, as I have reflected on this incident with in the past few weeks, I recognize that I have a duty to stand up against this kind of behavior and want to make my feelings known and very clear regarding it. This is something that happened a little over a month ago, and I finally need to bring it to light and say, it is unacceptable behavior for anyone to think it is ok to BLATENTLY be unkind to another, even if they think they can get away with it, or will not be found out. This is not about defacing an individual or naming names, but this IS about standing up for what is right, and what type of behavior is NOT acceptable and unnecessary.
I read my son's second grade news letter last night and it stated one of the only rules that will be enforced...that being...
Unkind words and actions will not be tolerated
This is true in school, church, home and certainly will be made clear today that this will not be accepted on our family web site either. Hopefully no one else's either.
So here goes.
I had a wonderful time this summer in July going to St. George with a group of my dear friends. I came home and wrote a post about how much fun we had. I have been friends with 2 of these girls since I was 8 yrs old. The other 3 I have been friends with since I was 15. We have a wonderful time together and trust and care about each others well being, just like good friends do.
I pulled up my blog one afternoon and saw a comment that had just come to my email regarding this post. This is the comment I received from an "anonymous" visitor.
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From: Anonymous [mailto:noreply-comment@blogger.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 19, 2008 12:05 PM
To: simply4candy@gmail.com
Subject: [Allen Family] New comment on THANKS LADIES!.
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "THANKS LADIES!":
Every great group of friends needs that fat girl, your ours.
Publish this comment.
Reject this comment.
Moderate comments for this blog.
Posted by Anonymous to Allen Family at 7/19/2008
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SO, there it was! FUN HUH. I know, I know, at the risk of everyone KNOWING I'm FAT...I guess I'll have to admit it now...can't "hide" forever! :0)
Alright, so here comes the mighty ignorant part. Not only did the woman who wrote this make a really immature comment about me, but also tried to blame it on one of my best FRIENDS. She obviously did not bank on the fact that it never once even crossed mine or Todd's mind that it was one of them. And the other sad part is that, my friends think it is completely ridiculous that she would do this as an adult, and put it as anonymous. Think about this one. If one of my friends were saying this to me jokingly, "...your ours". (as if in a lovingly manner) then they would not have put it anonymously trying to blame it on another one of their own.
Also, anyone who has a blog and knows there are ways to track traffic in and out of your site, knows well enough that truly ANONYMOUS is not the case. There are always ways to put the pieces of the puzzle together and track the info you need. This is great news when it comes to heaven forbid a pedophile or such and such. OR someone who just wants to think they're a cool cat with rude comments and wants to try and hide.
We had a pretty good idea of who it might be. We knew what time the comment was made, what referring site the woman came from and where she went when she left our site. We knew her domain and specs of the PC she was using at the time. Through out the next week we were able to track her unique domain bouncing into our site from 3 different unique acquaintances of hers and ours, where as she would leave comments with her REAL screen name for them, then she would come to our site and each time go back to the specific post she tried to leave her comment on, to see if it was there. I can't imagine what she was thinking wondering why it did not show up immediately, nor ever did.
So, we have quite a few different screen shots that provided evidence to the degree of 99.9% (because you know, we weren't standing behind her) :0) that this woman was in fact the one we thought all along. We suspected this person because this is not an isolated incident of unkindness from her.
The motives we figured she would have to do this, were spot on.
SERIOUSLY, HOW SAD!
More sad, is the fact, that presented with the evidence in Black and White, she blankly with no emotion said..."wasn't me, sorry!" Not only that, but she also said, I haven't been to your blog for months. I have no reason to. We know her to be on our web site multiple times even as of the day she was confronted. 100%
I remember a guy growing up that used to say to one of my friends,
If you ever get caught doing anything..."Just deny it." It's that simple. All you have to do is "just deny it".
Put doubt in someone's mind and hope you get away with it. That is like preying on the hearts of good people who would never want to accuse anyone of something bad. It allows those who's actions are wrong, to continue pulling the wool over our eyes.
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With this being said, anyone is more than welcome to visit our family site and learn more about us. However we only welcome comments that will uplift us all and bind those ties that family and friends are meant to bind. I think it's called SUPPORT. SUPPORT in this world that is already difficult enough to tread through when the waters of unwanted storms blow in.
THERE'S JUST NO REASON FOR UNKINDNESS.
NO ROOM FOR IT AT ALL. SERIOUSLY. SERIOUSLY!
The last thing I will add is who this comment is not from. This woman's screen name is not found on our blog. Not in any of the comments from any of my posts, nor is it found in our list of blog links.
So that's that. We'll be done with it. We'll move on.
But this needed to be said!
18 comments:
CANDY. That made my stomach sick, I cannot believe someone could be so unkind. I always tell my kids..."if someone is mean to you, they certainly aren't feeling goog about themselves!" and I believe that 100%. Good for YOU, these things need to be talked about and taken care of. There really isn't room for unkind words, the world is hard enough as is.
You're awesome, way to face a hard situation head on!
Loveya!!!
I cannot believe it!! I am sitting here with my mouth opened. You are gorgeous. You are a blessing to have as anyone's friend whoever posted that obviously has emotional problems of her own and has many insecurities. I am so sorry. Please know you are BEAUTIFUL! And thank goodness the world is made of all kinds of people, it would be very boring if we all were the same. At least you know you can go on knowing you are a better person and that YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF GOD! Knowing that puts things right in place. YOU ARE WONDERFUL!!
The fact that anyone had something mean to say about you means 2 things, first they're completely insecure and second, they're jealous as can be. I honestly don't think there is an unkind thing that even your husband, who knows you best could say about you. In ever post in ever thing you say you are nothing but sweet. Not only that but I see all you pictures on this blog and you are the most beautiful thing ever. Those gorgeous big eyes and those to die for lips, I mean come on now..... it's sad when people you've known and loved can't be happy for you when you're up it's like they thrive on drama. It's exactly as you said, just so sad. I hope that you know how many of us out there think you're amazing, me not even knowing you well, I look to your blog to be uplifted, to laugh, to get fun ideas to do with my family. We've already made a little wand to pass from each member of the family to do kind deeds. If you ask me that's the only anonymous activity that should be going on. I hope you find your day to be a bit better today since you were able to get that off your chest! In the end, "SCREW THEM"! You're amazing!
Candy,
I am so sorry. I could not even believe what I was reading! People can be so cruel. I have spent a lot of my life hearing cruel comments, not to my face, but behind my back.
You my dear are a gorgeous person inside and out. You have a wonderful family. When it comes down to it that is all that matters. The "woman" and I use that term lightly, is shallow, self serving, and has issues of her own. Are we still in Jr. High? Some people can never move on. Life is to short to dwell on things like this. You know she is going to read your comments and I hope she reads all those who support you. She should be ashamed of herself. This will just make you stronger!
I love reading your blog! You are always uplifting and positive and such a great mother to your two kids!
YOU GO GIRL!
You are a wonderful sister and I am so glad to have you as part of my family. I think Thumper in Bambi says it best "If you can't something nice don't say anything at all"
I love you Candy and I am proud of you having the guts to stick up for yourself and some of those that cannot.
Love,
Sarah
I am so glad you addressed this on your blog. Shel had told me a little of the story when I saw the wolf post(so perfect by the way). How sad that she thought this would bring you down. You know when someone does things like this they are jealous and all she did was validate it!!!! You have it all, and she doesn't.
and because i know "you" are reading this because "you" can't stay away....this is what backfire feels like.
way to go Candy!!!
( i sound so angry, sorry about that)
I always tell my kids... just ignore it! What someone says to or about you doesn't matter, it is what you say and do that really matters... I may have to revise that advice a little!!;) I am glad you didn't totally ignore it although not outing this mean spirited person was an act of kindness in itself!
As you have heard by those who really know you... you are beautiful in EVERYWAY and especially in the way that counts!
Yes. This needed to be said and you said it very eloquently. This post was so inspired and correct.
Look how loved you are!
You have risen above. You have shown us all how we can stand a little taller.
thank you. love you.
You are much nicer than I think I would be. I would be tempted to post the "anonymous" person's name and phone number! :)
Anyone who is so full of venom that they would post such a hateful thing is a person who must hate themselves...and is obviously envious of the wonderful person you are. There is NO OTHER explanation. She is trying to knock you down a peg (or ten) so you'll feel as crappy as her.
I really hope that you truly haven't internalized her words. And that you don't doubt for one minute that you are loved and beautiful!
Candy,
I got chills the whole time while reading this. You are an amazing writer and know the right things to say. It couldn't have been said better.
Love ya,
Celesta
Candy,
We love you sooo much. And you are a terrific writer! This will be a small memory in time.
Candy...you are awesome. I am so proud of you that you stood up for yourself. So many times people are just jerks and no one ever confronts them so they just keep going on spreading their toxic personality all over the place. I just want you to know how much I enjoy reading your blog. You have inspired me so much with all the wonderful things that you post. You are such an amazing person and I feel so lucky to be in your family. And honestly I don't care if someone is 10 pounds or 10000 pounds you can always tell if they are beautiful or ugly on the inside. And you darling...are spectacular! And this other woman...I think we all know what she is!
Candy,
I look at your blog from time to time (you know in all that spare time we have in life)...Candy, I truly feel uplifted every time I read your blog entries. You have a way with words and your spirituality always shines through your entries. I haven't left too many comments, but after looking at your blog today I had to say something. You are amazing! I wish Jase and I lived closer to you and Todd--I would love my kids to know their 2nd cousins better! I never got to know you as well as I would have liked to in High School. I love seeing a little of your life through your blog. I have tears in my eyes as I am typing this--I am so glad there are such good people like you in this life! Candy--thanks for making my night more meaningful by reading your inspired thoughts and feelings. Take Care, Mindy
Candy-
Wow, that is too much! Just know that from my heart...you are my beautiful and fun cousin and friend. It's so good to see you are a bringer of happiness and let the small things in life (like this event) roll off your pathway where it harms no others. Way to take it on woman!!! I love ya!
Chels
Candy,
Can I just tell you that something very similar is happening to me this very weekend? THANK YOU for saying what you said, I think I'd like to copy paste every word of it onto my blog!!! You are AWESOME, and way to go! Wow...honestly I think you just answered my prayers this morning. Thank you. so so so so much.
CANDY, Your name is fitting... you are sweet as candy, and everybody likes you! I LOVE that you wrote this - LOVE. You are beautiful on the outside, but real beauty is something more than an outward appearance. You have inner beauty as well. I feel bad for your "anonymous" poster. She is NOT beautiful on the inside, and it shows in ones countenance when they are not beautiful on the inside. You rock candy! I love you!
Candy - You are one of the most inspiring, funny, articulate, talented, genuine, beautiful, and adorably goofy people that I have ever known. Whoever that was that made such a poor decision to leave that comment - I feel sorry for her! The first dumb mistake she made was to attack someone who has such a huge support group and the
2nd dumb mistake she made was to attack someone with a tech savvy hubby who tracked her down like nothin! I'm so glad you put it all out on the table - you are awesome.
Just since I'm writing all this - I wanted to tell you that I found this blog the other day about a girl that was just in a plane accident and was burned. I was reading her old posts from her blog and found myself reading it for hours one night. I love her perspective and humor and taste - I was inspired with every post. I kept thinking to myself that your blog was one of the only other ones like hers that was truly inspiring and uplifting and a total delight to read. She reminded me so much of you - you'll have to check it out.
http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com- her story was featured on ksl. You may have already seen it.
You are a rare breed my friend - Love you!
Candy, I know i am reading this blog way late, but it still resonates so deep. A lot of the mean things that were said about me when i was younger, (and even some as an adult) still live in my head. It has been really hard to look inside and not to believe that I am what everyone else says I am. I am so lucky that Tommy and Todd had my back growing up. These good people actually made it possible for me on some days to make it through the day at church, or school. I wish everyone had someone like these 2 "brothers" of mine.
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