SUNSHINE

‘Those who spread sunshine, cannot keep it from themselves’

If you know my brother Christian, you will know why this small conversation meant so much.

Christian, had surgery this morning.  All went well.  As I sat with him alone for a while this afternoon, I tickled his arm.  He loves to have his arm tickled.  As he lay there tired, he closed his eyes.  I told him I loved him and that I wish I saw him more often.  He said he wished we lived closer.  I then told him I’m sorry that I didn’t always call, or that I’ve seemed to busy raising my kids that past years.  I always say I will send him photos, or make him a book, and I haven’t followed through with that as often as I should.  He said “that’s OK”.  I told him I am sorry.  My eyes welled with tears, and I asked if he would forgive me.  He quietly said “I forgive you.”  a few seconds went by, then with his eyes still closed he said to me…

“We all just .do .the .best .we .can.” 

Once again, I was reminded of what great lessons there are in life to learn.  We all need to be more gentle with ourselves.  Give ourselves a break, and know that our best is good enough.  Even if it is not always what we have in mind, or as good and we’ve done in the past, or hopefully can do in the future.  It is our best for right now.

I turned a recorded Oprah on tonight after the kids were in bed, and I watched the segment on Roger Ebert who has lost his voice, and lower jaw to cancer.  This is something he had written in his journal recently.  It struck the same chord with me as Christian did earlier to day.

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“I believe that if at the end of it all, according to our ability, we have done something to make others a little happier, and  something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do.  To make others less happy is a crime, to make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts.  We must try to contribute joy to the world.  That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try.  I didn’t always know this, I am happy that I lived long enough to find it out.”

Roger Ebert